After the Story - Choices Like Rivers - Episode 32
After the Story - Choices Like Rivers - Episode 32
This podcast discusses each chapter of Choices Like Rivers and each episode is posted directly after the book episode. This corresponds to Chapter 12 Section 1.
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When I was writing this episode I felt every moment of it. Not that this had ever happened to me, but I could just feel the pain and uncertainty of it all.
Sharon had been so consumed with Molly Sue that it was merely a tickle in the back of her brain that the Matt Yates was really Will. People don’t just randomly change their names.
The scene at the doorway confirmed in a bittersweet way that the attorney who was about to help her really was Will. Her touch across the letters on the doorway was the soft touch of a lover. And it was painful.
Will was also caught off guard. He had no idea that Sharon was about to walk through the door. It was as though lightening had struck for both of them.
Some questions were answered, but still more were created. In an effort to keep the meeting professional, he didn’t dare ask Sharon personal questions that would pertain to their life together, to their child.
Leslie was in the dark, but knew to fade into the background until the air settled. She would ask her questions later, and did.
As they settled into a rhythm of questions and answers around Molly Sue the tension seemed to lift. Sharon held herself together until she had exited into the hall. She could go no further and leaned on the wall outside his office.
Leslie was focused on aiding Sharon and led her out to the car where Sharon rested and told Leslie about Will.
Sharon’s past had come crashing back into her like a freight train.
We’ve all had moments like that. Maybe not to this extent, but I believe it is human nature to turn a silent ear to the past often without resolving the issue.
Ignore it and it will go away. Refuse to confront and we refuse to heal, and forgive.
For Sharon, she had never forgiven Will. She had stuffed down the pain in an attempt to move forward, but there had been no forgiveness.
When we look at Sharon’s life it is as if with each trauma the glow of joy faded further and further into the background until all we see is a dull and disillusioned woman.
Do you feel that way? Dull, flatlined and lackluster? I think we all have from time to time, but if it lingers and becomes a daily thing, then that is evidence of a serious problem.
Unforgiveness grows small tentacles into our soul. They grow deeper and take root. We grow hard and then bitter and at that point we are justifying our lack of forgiveness.
Out of our self-preservation we have learned to justify our feelings. We take on the cloak of victimhood and we wallow in the pain.
But, that is no life. And honestly the pain you are feeling is the self imposed pain of unforgiveness and the person whom your angst is directed towards never feels an ounce of it.
They go on with their lives unknowingly while you wither away and your life becomes less than.
When you have held on to unforgiveness long enough to have grown bitter, the very thought of forgiveness is unbearable.
The only one who can release you from the shackles of the prison of pain you have put yourself in, is you. You have to stop and make the decision that you want a real life of freedom and joy.
If you have considered it and yet can come to the place where you feel you can, cry out to God for help. He can help you.
You don’t have to feel the forgiveness, just decide that is what you want to do. Make the decision, and he will help you.
It really is a process. Little by little. Day by day. Reaffirming that decision everyday, even when you can’t feel it, it will eventually break through and you will heal.
And then one day before you know it, you will feel free.
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