After the Story - Choices Like Rivers - Episode 35
After the Story - Choices Like Rivers - Episode 35
This podcast discusses each chapter of Choices Like Rivers and each episode is posted directly after the book episode. This corresponds to Chapter 13 Section 1.
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A baby is born. No doctors, no sterile surroundings, just the way it has happened for thousands of years. There is always a bit of anxiety because childbirth can be dangerous for both the baby and the mother. That is what has created the sterile doctor complex we see today. The need to eliminate as many obstacles as possible.
Buddy is beside himself with fear. I doubt he even had an idea of how childbirth happened. Donna’s screams were near torture for him and he was wrapped in his simple mental searching on what to do.
He was dutiful and did everything that Donna asked. The scene with the boiling water sloshing over onto his hands unnoticed shows the depth of his distraction and fear of the event.
We also see here that Buddy, not Donna is the very first person to even touch Molly Sue. He is in awe of the tiny new life. He is in awe of her.
He lifts her gently and places her in Donna’s arms. Instinct kicks in and Donna nurses the new baby. All is as it should be. Except that it isn’t.
The new little dysfunctional family is born. Whether hating Buddy was in Donna’s heart or not, each new moment with him created a closer more endearing embrace of the simple minded man.
He held no ill will, no contempt. He has violated Donna’s freedom and we assume she dwells on her anger. But I believe she has such a heart as to see beyond her captivity and see Buddy with empathy and compassion.
This is a lesson that I believe we all need today. We are so quick to assume motives and jump into a rage because we have perceived a wrong against us, when all the while we don’t see beyond ourselves. What is the other person suffering? What are they going through? Did they even intend to do something harmful to you? Did they even know that they had?
What causes so much insecurity as to always assume that someone is doing something against us? I believe there are many reasons.
I know there is value in how each generation has done better in some areas, but that change and evolution of generations did not happen in a bubble.
My generation, the baby boomers, rebelled against our parents generation. We wanted freedom from the structured lifeless life we SAW our parents live. I also believe we felt what they lived was not what they felt.
We were more free though than what we thought. We were left to roam all day as long as our homework and chores were done. No tracking devices, ie: phones, etc. The same lack of phones prevented them from expecting us to ‘call home’ consistently.
I only called home when I ran out of gas and had no money. I soon had an understanding with the gas station owner that I could get gas and my daddy would pay for it next time he came in. We had more freedom than we could have ever perceived. And that freedom helped us to learn to problem solve, settle disputes, resolve conflict, and learn to just overlook and move on.
We baby boomers often talk about how wonderful our generation was. But I wonder how our generation would have reacted if suddenly dropped into this time period. I don’t think we would have survived much better.
My children’s generation is just about as strong as ours. They were equally as free. We just trusted as parents that they would be okay, and they were.
So what or who is the culprit of causing such a high amount of insecure young people? Parents. Parents are the culprit.
At the risk of offending almost everyone, let me say that I have seen an increasing occurrence of the ‘tail wagging the dog’ than I ever thought possible.
We had freedom, but we never even imagined that we could coerce, manipulate, or move a parent to do what they didn’t want to do. We were afraid to even try. Not in a terror kind of way, but a respectful kind of way.
I have seen so many parents bend over backwards to ‘make sure’ their child knew they were the smartest, best, and most loved child in the universe. This creates a narcissistic child.
They don’t have to achieve anything to be at the top. They just have to breathe. So when they do get out in the big wide world they are crushed that their brilliance wasn’t immediately recognized. Those parents have done a great disservice to their children.
We have convinced them that whatever dream they have will be theirs for the taking, because they are just that wonderful.
Dreams are achieved from diligence and hard work. And not all dreams are accessible. Oh my gasp!
If I at 5’2” wanted to be an NBA star… not going to happen. You say, “well that is ridiculous”, of course you can’t do that. But maybe you are encouraging dreams in your child that are also unrealistic.
A child has a dream. Talk realistically about it. Let them know what it will take and help them get started either academically or in training. But don’t give them concrete assurances that they will achieve the dream.
This may sound counter productive. I believe not all dreams are meant to be achieved. It is the path to the dream that will produce the most benefit.
What you learn along the way may give you skills and knowledge you need for another dream you never knew you had.
Don’t tell your children they are the best. There is always someone better. Tell them they did a good job. Tell them you appreciate all the hard work they put in. Don’t offer untold flattery consistently or it will become an addiction they will never be able to overcome and one that could destroy them in the long run. That addiction is narcissistic individualism.
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