Choices Like Rivers | a novel | Chapter 16 Section 3
Choices Like Rivers by Nancy Jackson
Chapter 16 Section 3
Sharon - September 1979
Sharon had no will to go on. What was the point? Each time tragedy would strike in her life, others would encourage her to keep going: things would get better, there was so much to live for and to be thankful for. It was all lies and nonsense. She had nothing to be thankful for, nothing to go on for.
The week after they had taken Molly Sue, she refused to leave her bed. There had been a rotation of friends coming and going to watch over her. She knew the general consensus was that they should not leave her alone under any circumstance.
They would peek in and ask if she needed anything. If she could muster the strength to say no, then she did. If not, they would simply be ignored. They brought endless food trays to her beside and for three days, they sat untouched.
“Sharon, you have to get up.” Leslie was perturbed. She understood Sharon’s grief, but life had to go on.
Sharon shut her eyes tighter, ignoring her friend.
“I mean it.” Leslie grabbed the covers and flung them back off of her friend. Sharon didn’t even flinch.
Leslie sat on the edge of Sharon’s bed. “Sharon, I’m so concerned about you. Please sit up and talk to me.”
Sharon didn’t move or respond.
“I’m calling the doctor. Do you want him to put you in the hospital? Worse yet, a mental hospital?”
The words mental hospital struck a nerve deep inside Sharon, but was it enough to force her forward? Leslie stood at the door waiting to see how her threats would be received. Finally, Sharon took a deep breath and rolled partially over to look at Leslie where she stood.
“I know you mean well. But I just can’t function.” Leslie walked back to the bed and once again sat on the edge.
“Sharon, that’s why I’m here. Talk to me. I know you don’t think it will help, but it will. I will listen as long as you talk.” Leslie reached out and took her friend’s hand. She hid her shock at how desperately thin it was.
Sharon’s eyes drifted closed, but she opened her mouth as if to speak, then shut it again. Leslie just sat, giving her friend time. Soon, tears began to drip out of the corner of Sharon’s eye. Then torrents came. She had not cried like this since she had collapsed into Bill’s arms the first day she had gotten home.
“I hurt so bad. I hurt so bad. It all just hurts so bad.” She sobbed out the words over and over again. She had curled back up in a ball, and Leslie rubbed her back. She felt her ribs through her skin and became worried. She must have not been eating for weeks prior to the court date. The stress and fear of what had been ahead had stolen her appetite.
Finally, the words and the tears subsided. Leslie knew better than to tell Sharon how to feel. She had not been through all that Sharon had been through. She also knew that no matter how much Leslie could see that Sharon was blessed with, until she herself recognized it, it would do no good to point it out to her.
“Sharon, I believe that Will can petition the court to get you visiting rights. You only cared for and loved her. They know that seeing you from time to time will be best for her. You may not be in a mother-daughter relationship, but you can still be there for her.”
Sharon listened to Leslie’s words. “No. It’s just too hard.”
“You’re being selfish.” Leslie was furious.
Sharon looked up at her friend. How could she call her selfish after all that she had done for Molly Sue? The confusion on her face prompted Leslie to continue.
“You are only thinking about you. Think of what this is doing to Molly Sue. First, she is separated from a sick mother who she can’t find her way back to, then you take her in and now she is separated from you, and all you can think about is your own pain. Molly Sue still needs you. Get up and wash your face.”
Leslie felt uncertainty assault her as she heard the words she had just spoken. What had she done? Was it the right thing?
Sharon’s face relaxed, and she rolled Leslie’s words over in her mind. “They won’t let me see her. They will think it’s best for her to make a clean break. They will want her to get settled and leave the past behind.”
“You don’t know that. Come on. Get up. You need to shower, get dressed and eat something.” Leslie pulled on her friend’s hand. To her surprise, Sharon didn’t resist. She slowly rose to sit up.
“Get in the shower and I will call Will.”
